I went to a wedding tonight and, unlike 99.97% of my days, I looked pretty slammin’. It was by complete accident but it felt nice. And it also felt nice to be out on a Saturday night sans child. I know, “BLASPHEMY!!!!” It may be a publicly unpopular notion but it’s most definitely a common one: Sometimes it’s fun to do things *without* your kid. Call CPS.

Anyway, as I was out having fun and eating all the pie, I realized I’d unlocked the secrets to seeming fabulous. I decided to draw them right quick. Because that’s what I do.